[thelist] site review: http://spinhead.com/new

[Joel Canfield]

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> Well it's certainly original...

Thank you. No point being intentionally derivative or average.

> It took some getting used to, but there is a consistent style
> there, and it is *not* bland.
>
> I'd change this:
>
> Face it. You don't have fifteen grand for an interactive
> animated 3D website. You don't even want one. You just know
> that if you're not on the web, you're missing out on
> something big. We can help.
>
> It sounds like you think I'm a poor dumb-ass who doesn't know
> what he wants... I'm not sure how to rephrase it without
> changing it completely though

No, just defining my target demographic, small businesses with simple to
modest web design needs. I see nothing in it that implies stupidity on the
part of the reader.

> In fact, much of the text is a little presumptuous and
> contradictory sometimes.
>
> This:
> "Leave it to the corporate giants to plow fifteen
> (or even a hundred and fifty) grand into their website. "
>
> goes from plural to singular, and sounds a bit stiff.

Right; should be 'websites' - but stiff? Don't understand that. Reads as
decidedly casual, in my opinion.

> "At Spinhead we know that you already have a plan. "
> How on earth do you know that?

Because you're in business. I'm assuming my prospects have some clue about
marketing. If not, they need my help *more*, not less.

> "And you know that better marketing means growth"
> How do you know I know that?

You start by saying I'm calling the reader stupid, and now, when I assume
they're intelligent professionals, it's presumptuous. Any business person
who doesn't recognize the connection between marketing and growth is, once
again, *more* in need of help, not less.

> "We promise to do it your way. "
> Ahh, so you're begging now are you?

Don't understand that comment at all. Begging for what? How is a promise to
work *with* the client 'begging'?

> "We don't have any preconceived notions about how it's done -
> " This follows three paragraphs of preconceived notions :o)

Where do you see preconceived notions about how any individual business
should implement their marketing plan? Oh; you mean 'preconceived notions
about how to design a website' - yeah, I have those. They're called
'standards.' Otherwise, I have no idea what you're talking about.

> "except that we don't like cold vegetables, either."
> So that means you expect to make a neat profit off my back?

You're suggesting I should pretend to be a non-profit organization? Are my
clients so stupid they don't know I'm in business to make money? What do you
tell your clients? "I'm not making a nickel on this; I do it because you're
my friend."

I have consistently found that the clients who are bothered by the idea that
I'm making a profit from their work are the most trouble. Any small business
operator who wants me to work cheap or free can take their business
elsewhere.

> "More and more, small businesses are taking
> advantage of the benefits of the internet. "
> Does this mean that it is becoming more frequent for small
> businesses to take to the net, or that a larger quantity of
> small businesses are taking to the net? It's no big deal, but
> I think it sounds better without the comma in there.

No, it sounds wrong without the comma. If I'd meant 'more small businesses
are blah blah' it would be written that way.

> Wouldn't this bit:
> "Whether you're going to engage in e-commerce,
> you want to provide improved customer service,
> or you're in an industry ..."
>
> sound better like this :
> "Whether you're going to engage in e-commerce,
> want to provide improved customer service,
> or are in an industry... "

Right. Point taken. More concise.

> I'd print out all the written text, and ask some people to
> review it. Cheers, Richard

Excellent advice, which I've done, every step of the way as the site was
under construction. I'm not a marketing expert, so I depended quite a bit on
the expertise of marketing and communications professionals for my copy.

Thanks for taking the time to peruse the site.

joel