[thechat] What if architecture was like web design?

[Andrew Forsberg]

A client I sub-contract php work from sent me this after a 
particularly nasty bout of 'it' from their client. Don't know how 
long this has been circulating for, but I found it amusing, and added 
the two requests for immediate action at the end.

Feel free to extend the metaphor with further requirements, if you're 
interested. :-)



>Dear Mr. Architect,
>
>Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I 
>need, so you  should use your discretion.
>
>My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. 
>Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily 
>added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make 
>the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown 
>for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
>
>Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than 
>the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you 
>correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the 
>floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls 
>don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
>
>As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly 
>maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the 
>incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or 
>composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be 
>prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
>
>Please take care that modern design practices and the latest 
>materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be 
>a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, 
>however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other 
>things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
>
>To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire 
>family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also 
>our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about 
>how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once 
>a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and 
>come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule 
>any choices that you make.
>
>Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to 
>develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At 
>this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the 
>color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
>
>Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to 
>build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed 
>plans and specifications.
>
>Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be 
>under roof within 48 hours.
>
>While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind 
>that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It 
>therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. 
>Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a 
>consensus of the population in my area that they like the features 
>this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's 
>house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many 
>features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 
>75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you 
>can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.
>
>Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at 
>this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for 
>construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held 
>accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of 
>later design changes. You must be thrilled to be working on as an 
>interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques 
>and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is 
>something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as 
>possible with your complete ideas and plans.
>
>PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the 
>instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your 
>responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the 
>past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle 
>this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
>
>PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel 
>trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.


After talking with my wife, we have decided on two additional 
requirements that must be actioned immediately:

My wife and I enjoy juggling concrete cutters and Black & Decker 
chain saws in the basement over and around the building supports. We 
expect the house to be resilient to any change in the number or kind 
of weight bearing supports we make; we expect whatever changes we 
make to take affect immediately.

We also have 500 friends who you will need to have keys cut for. 
These keys must all be unique, but fit the same lock. We will hold 
you personally liable, however, for any lost keys, break-ins, 
graffiti and defacement, or theft -- as these keys need to 
self-destruct if someone other than our 500 friends gets hold of one. 
It is imperative that there is a 24 hour, 7 day a week service to 
replace keys via your home phone number. This will need to be an 0800 
number, as we travel a lot and don't expect to pay for the 
inconvenience of having to call you.

-- 
Andrew Forsberg
---
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