[thechat] this is a dead dotcom (was: Fiorinian Rhapsody)

[Michele Wandrei]

> I've been searching all day for your dotcom adaptation of the
dead
> parrot sketch. Do you still have that lying around? Does anyone
else?

This one was too funny to delete.  Enjoy!

___________________________________________________
Michele Wandrei
inThree Design
www.inthree.com


----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Davis" <bobd at members.evolt.org>
To: <thechat at lists.evolt.org>
Sent: Saturday, June 09, 2001 1:40 PM
Subject: [thechat] Hello, Miss?


Customer: I wish to register a complaint about this stock, what I
purchased not half hour ago from this very brokerage.

Broker: Oh yes, the Dot-Com, what's aah, what's wrong with it?

Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead,
that's what's wrong with it.

Broker: No, no, 'e's ah... he's strategizing.

Customer : Look, matey, I know a dead Dot-Com when I see one, and
I'm
looking at one right now.

Broker : No no, h-he's not dead, he's, he's strategizin'!

Customer : Strategizin'?

Broker : Y-yeah, Strategizin.' Remarkable stock, the Dot-Com,
isn't
it, eh? Beautiful website!
Customer : The website don't enter into it. It's stone dead!

Broker : Nononono, no, no! 'E's strategizin!

Customer : All right then, if he's strategizing, I'll wake him
up!
(shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Dotty! Mister Dot-Comie! I've got a
lovely fresh IPO for you if you wake up, Mr. Dot-Com...
Broker : There, he moved!

Customer : No, he didn't, that was you sending out a press
release!

Broker : I never!!

Customer : Yes, you did!

Broker : I never, never....

Customer : 'ELLO DOTTAAAAAAAY! DOTT-EE! DOT-COM! WAKE UP!
TESTIIIING!
TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR ANNUAL REPORT! DOT-EEEEEEE! Now that's
what
I call a dead parrot.

Broker: No, no.... No, he's reorganizing.

Customer : REORGANIZING?

Broker : Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up!
Dot-Coms
stun easily, major.
Customer : Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That
Dot-Com is definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an
hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it
being tired and shagged out after a long martket expansion.

Broker : Well, he's... he's, ah... probably developin' a patent
portfolio.

Customer : DEVELOPIN' a PATENT PORTFOLIO? What kind of talk is
that?
Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Broker : The Dot-Com prefers kippin' new marketin strategies!
Remarkable stock, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely website!

Customer : (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that
stock
when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had
been
sitting on the market in the first place was that it had been
NAILED
there.

Broker : Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed
that
stock down, it would have nuzzled up to those markets, bent 'em
apart
with its little B2B sales force, and VOOM!

Customer : "VOOM?"

Customer : Look matey, this stock wouldn't "voom" if you put four
thousand venture capitalists through it! It's bleedin' demised!

Broker : It's not! I-It's patenting!

Customer : It's not patenetin,' it's passed on! This company is
no
more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its
maker!
This is a late stock! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in
peace! If you hadn't nailed him up with venture capital he would
be
pushing up the daisies! Its business processes are of interest
only
to historians! It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this
mortal
coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!
This.... is an F*CKED-COMPANY!

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