[thechat] marital crisis update.

[Joe Crawford]

Erika Meyer wrote:
> And I agree 100% these are opportunities for us to work on our own
> crap and become better people.

Ya wohl!

> Therapy and self-help can be good if you get into the right group or
> find the right person.  But if they are bad, it's almost worse than
> nothing.

And again, Claro que si! Being very cautious in this area.

> Issues with parental relationships are going to affect your love
> relationships.

Definitely in my case it was  a factor.

> I got a lot out of al anon back in the day.  That codependency thing
> is a nasty trap... you think you're just being nice but actually you
> are giving away the farm... and resenting them when they don't
> appreciate it... etc etc
>
> boundaries.. oh yes.
>
> Right on...

Hmmm. Wow. Yeah Erika, I've not agreed with you this much in, EVER. :-)

> One thing: 40 lbs in 8 weeks sounds awfully fast...
>
> I was anorexic as a teen... dropped 30 lbs in 3 months... down to 90lbs.
> It was not healthy for me.  So just take care to eat good food and
> exercise & make sure you are not loosing too much.

Yeah. Thing is, I could lose another 100 and still be a very large guy.
I think of it like this -- this is the "chainsaw" phase of the big
sculpture job. When I get to the point where health is a factor (and as
a former health care guy I'm acutely aware of what you can get into with
too-fast metabolic change). I *am* eating, just much less. And
multivitamins. And proteins, and carbs. And water and fluids. I'm not
"eating to eat" or "eating out of habit" or "eating for the hell of it"
or "eating to disract/anesthetize myself." And my intention was never
"quicky weight loss" - it's just paying actual attention to what I eat
has resulted in weight loss. When I want to have a piece of pie, I have it.

> One thing you've done is taken personal responsibility for your stuff.
> Many people never get there.   Those who are too proud to seek help
> only hurt themselves.

Well, I always thought I knew where I began and ended, and how people
fit into the mix. But turns out I didn't know it as well as I thought.

Lots to learn.

Thanks for the thoughts E.

	- Joe <http://artlung.com/>