[thechat] marital crisis update.

[Tara Cleveland]

> The thing about
> ultimatums is, you have to be prepared to follow through - which I was, but
> somehow I managed to get cheated out of the opportunity.

Janet,

You are exactly right. You have to be able and prepared to follow through on
ultimatums. You also have to give the right ultimatum, or at least be in the
right situation for an ultimatum.

Dave was unhappy - the problems in our relationship weren't because he
wasn't making enough cash - it was that he was unhappy. I knew that he could
easily find a better job in his field. The company he worked for was
notorious for treating their employees badly (and has been taken to the
labour board several times). He had a lack of self-confidence and kinda felt
like he deserved all of the awful treatment, and didn't feel like he could
quit. Sometimes you work for abusive people and getting out of that
situation is better than staying in it regardless of the financial
consequences.

I knew he was great at what he did and would be a valuable employee to any
company that hired him. So, I didn't think there was much of a chance that
we'd be *worse* off if he left. He ended up feeling a lot better about
himself professionally and personally after he left the job, and I think he
would have felt better even if he couldn't find a new job.

Of course it's much easier to say that knowing that it turned out all right.
It was definitely a scary thing to say at the time because I *was* prepared
to go through with it, even though I still loved him. It's definitely a
different ballgame when you have kids too. Luckily, we didn't have kids, so
there wasn't that extra issue to tangle us up.

I hope you're happier now, however it turned out.

Regards,
Tara
--
Tara Cleveland
Web Design and Consulting
http://www.taracleveland.com