[thechat] punishment (was: [ugh])

Janet Green JGreen at desmoinesmetro.com
Tue Jul 9 15:17:03 CDT 2002


>>>I decided to try to raise my daughter without punishment.  ANY punishment. Absolutely no corporal punishment, no time outs, no grounding, none of it.<<<

Erika, while I admire your commitment to an alternative method of parenting (which must be extremely difficult), I need to ask you how well you feel you are preparing your daughter for the real world. It seems to me you are setting her up for some big surprises when *other* forces in her life *do* begin dolling out punishment in some form. Teachers, daycare providers, friends' parents... do you tell these people, "My child is not to be punished, no matter what"? What is the reaction when you tell them that? Why do you think this is better than establishing the concept of consequences for actions?

>>>So while I ask her to modify her behavior, and I also make it easy by working on the underlying distress.  (Lack of positive attention is a big factor with kids.)<<<

"Asking" the child to modify their behavior implies that the child has the option to refuse. In a lot of cases, they should NOT have that option. You're also teaching your daughter that someone will always be there to smooth things over, "work on the underlying distress," and provide her with lots of positive attention. Again, I don't think this is realistic and would be interested to know how you think she's going to fare later in life when other influential adults do not share your commitment to this method.

Janet



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