[thechat] punishment (was: [ugh])

[Janet Green]

Erika, don't misunderstand, I don't consider myself "at war" with my daughter; in fact the main difference between you and I seems to be simply that I have not made a conscious decision to rule out the possibility of a time out, or even a spanking. My daughter Stef is essentially an only child (she has two step-sisters who are grown and live in their own homes) so she spent *all* her earliest time around adults. I like to think she's well-behaved because her parents and their friends have been good role models, and because she *does* get a lot of positive reinforcement. "Fear of punishment" does not seem to be what motivates her. (One of the things I do that I think surprises her... is that often, I will thank her for being so well-behaved. She always seems a little taken aback, as if I thought there was a chance she might behave some other way.)

I do consider the statement, "my daugher is gonna kick ass," to be an interesting choice of words considering the theme of non-violence in the rest of this thread, but of course it's just an expression, right? Also interesting was Javier's comment - "i agree she's gonna kick ass, cause she knows violence is not the solution..." which reinforces the notion of violence (kicking ass) while discounting it as a solution. It's interesting that we can talk about non-violence in violent terms like that. :) *JUST* an observation, not a criticism.

Janet