[thechat] raising kids

[rudy]

> i was wondering if there's been any difference in the way
> you've treated your 'older offsprings' from the way you're
> raising the younger kids.
>
> does this make sense?

yes, javier, it does

one of the (very few) things i regret when my first wife and i separated is
that i succumbed (i'm choosing my words carefully here) to the
then-prevalent strong preference within "the system" (family law, judges,
lawyers, relatives, and other members of late-1970's society) for the mother
to have custody of the children and the father to move out and pay support

so the way i treated my two older boys was as a weekend father

this time around, ever since they were infants the kids were with me more
than they were their mom, who chose to arrange to have jobs that kept her
out till 9 pm

in fact, when we separated, it was mom that moved out and i had the kids
full time for the next 7 months

so there's no way i would settle for any less than joint custody, which is
the prevalent strong preference of "the system"

so now, the kids shuttle back and forth from mom's house to dad's house
every two weeks -- it is not the way i would have arranged it, but it is the
way it has to be

so this time, i'm more of a every-two-weeks full-time single parent

as to how i treat my kids, i give them subtle tests as they are growing up
to see when they have reached a point where i can explain that they
themselves are responsible for their own happiness, nobody else

and i'm pleased to report that anna, 11, and eric, 9, have both already
reached that point

did i ever mention my "three rules" that i taught them?

1. don't give up
2. no whining
3. be nice to everybody

every religious precept i've ever run across can be slotted into one of
those...

and the best part is, they're so easy to remember

rudy