Alternate relationship arrangements Was: Re: [thechat] King Preaches Abstinence to Parading Maidens

[Judah McAuley]

Luther, Ron wrote:
> Hi E,
>
> Just weighing in a bit on the subject of polygamy.
>
>>From a historical (and current implementation) basis, I'd say
> I'm against it.  I haven't done a ton of research, but I believe
> it stems from a 'status' point of view.  In historical (and some
> current) cultures where women were/are viewed as chattel it was
> a form of economic status.  "Oh look how rich he is - he has 7 wives."
> Or "What a poor good-for-nothing, he cannot even afford 2 wives."
>
> I see that as a bad idea and I'm against it.

Ditto.  Property is a burden on both the owner and the property.  It's
even more of a burden when the property is a person.  I'd rather see
people take care of themselves with help from others.  It might be
asking a bit much, but I hope the human race can make a go of it.

> However, a friend once noted that people usually fit together
> like puzzle pieces from mismatched boxes.  Some areas of their lives
> dovetail very nicely, others have to be stomped on to get a crappy
> fit.  You can find a partner that is intellectually and economically
> stimulating and enjoys the same activities and pursuits you do.  They
> may have very different religeous beliefs, may not be a 'good' parent,
> and may not be stimulating sexually.  The thought was that if
> everyone could find four partners, satisfying different areas of need
> in their lives ... it would be a very interesting and possibly peaceful
> world.
>
> In that kind of situation, (and making a HUGE leap of faith about the
> maturity of society in general), then polygamy might be an interesting
> structure.

In the modern liberal intelligensia (and by this, I mean people like me
*grin*), we've largely abandoned the use of the word polygamy except in
technical discussion.  See Polygamy
(http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=polygamy), Polyandry
(http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=polyandry), Polygyny
(http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=polygyny).

The more broadly used term is Polyamorous (http://www.polyamory.org/).
It's a Greek/Latin bastardization meaning "many loves" and is frequently
just referred to as "Poly".  It's a term that encompasses quite a few
relationship styles.  The common thread between them are a rejection of
monogamy as being the only acceptable relationship style and an
understanding that the key to successfully navigating multiple
relationships is communication and honesty.

I use the word Poly because other people know it, but I prefer the term
Responsible Nonmonagamy.

> At present, however, I think immaturity, petty jealousies and pressures
> to conform to social norms would relegate an experiment to
> commune-like failure.

I've been part of a poly relationship for several years now.  I've been
married to my wife for just over 5 years and we've been together for 9
years.  My wife has had another partner for about 4 or 5 years now (I
get confused about their timeline sometimes).  I've had another partner
for just over 3 years.  My wife's partner moved in with us about a year
and a half ago.  I actually hired him for my most recent startup company
and we both work in the same office in our house.  My partner lives with
several friends here in town.  All of our friends know about the
arrangement and we don't hide anything from anyone.  I treat my partner
like a "girlfriend" when we are out together.  There are occasionally
some problems, but it works out quite well all in all.

> If nothing else, it would make a cool backdrop for one of those books
> I've never gotten around to writing yet!

Oooh.  I want to be a backdrop.  Can I be the darkly sinister character
who's purpose in the book is an enigma that is never resolved but just
contributes tension to the plot?

Judah