[thechat] Mostly (was: Handling a knife like a pro) (was: Cooked carrots)

Judah McAuley judah at wiredotter.com
Thu Feb 27 20:43:00 CST 2003


Erik Mattheis wrote:
> As I didn't know what "sex positive" meant, I looked it up and found
> <http://www.sexuality.org/aspp.html> which reads like the intended
> audience is autistics or at best, people who have never seen a rated R
> romance.
>
> Among the many gems:
> "Sex is almost always better by candlelight. Turning off the ringers on
> your phones or pagers is another nice touch, as is setting a nice CD on
> repeat play. Keeping a towel, a bottle of water, and maybe a warm wet
> washcloth handy is also a good idea. Keep the room temperature on the
> warm side."
>
> Yes, darling, it makes me feel so close to you when you turn your cell
> phone off.
>
> Christ.

Try not to hold that article against them.  The Society for Human
Sexuality folks are really a good resource.  I used to be on the
discussion list several years back and they do have resources that you
can't get anywhere else.  For instance, their guide to throwing a sex
party is indespensible.  That being said, yeah, that article sucks.

> Am I the only one here who actually ENJOYS awkwardness? Are a few
> seconds wondering if they're going to kiss you back worth less than an
> hour of completely relaxed intimacy a year later? Is it more thrilling
> to have an arranged conversation about how one likes being touched and
> then methodically doing it than finding out by chance?

I would say I enjoy anticipation rather than awkwardness.  Good
communication helps set boundaries and styles.  If you aren't the type
that likes to work everything out verbally, then talking about that
ahead of time will help.  Tell you partner that you take a more
non-verbal approach to sex but that you respect their boundaries and
will happily listen to anything they bring up (verbally and non
verbally) while you are with them and that you won't be offended if they
push things a different direction.  Then everyone knows that
communication will be respected and how things will roughly work.
Communication is mandatory, but it doesn't have to be a dry lecture
ahead of time that tells the other person what you want.

> At least from reading the page above, it seems like a "having a sex
> positive attitude" is a euphemism for "how to feel like you're with the
> right person even if you're not".
>
> I shall create a counter-movement beginning by registering the domain
> lummoxes-for-clumsy-sex.org.
>
> Or maybe I just chose the wrong introduction to read? Or maybe I'm just
> too choosy or not into free love enough.

I personally define sex positive as having a positive attitude toward
sexuality.  Along with enlarged frontal lobes and an opposable thumb,
having intercourse outside of estrus is one of the magical things about
being human.  The human ability to eroticize *anything* continues to
amaze me.  We are clearly sexual creatures in a way that is largely
unknown in the rest of the animal kingdom.  Yet our societies have
largely treated non-reproductive sexuality with disdain (at best) and as
a mortal sin (amongst the worst).  Sexuality is something that should be
celebrated instead of suppressed.  At its best, sex and sexuality
provide empowerment, accomplishment, identity and raw, unadulterated,
disintermediated joy.  Sex positive says to people: That may not be my
thing, but if its consensual and it makes you happy, more power to you.

You might also take a look at: http://www.positive.org/JustSayYes/index.html

> This thread id has come full circle: what cut of beef is pot roast ->
> where is the G spot.

At least it didn't come back to cooked carrots. ;-)

Judah




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