[thechat] Fwd: FW: He vs She

Martin Burns martin at easyweb.co.uk
Tue Jul 22 14:37:29 CDT 2003


> Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
>
> Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an 
> American
> University.
>
>
> "Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the 
> tandem
> story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
> sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the 
> first
> paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph 
> and
> then add another paragraph to the story. The first person  will  then  
> add
> a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what 
> has
> been written each  time in order to keep the story coherent.
>
>
> There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must 
> be
> written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion 
> has
> been reached."
>
>
> The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>
>
> Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
> -----------------------------
> STORY:
> (first paragraph by Rebecca)
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
> reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
> liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind 
> off
> Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him 
> too
> much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the
> question.
> -----------------------------
> (second paragraph by Gary)
>
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
> squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
> about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie 
> with
> whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
> Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar 
> orbit
> established.
> No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a
> bluishparticle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through 
> his
> ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of 
> his
> seat and across the cockpit.
>
>
> -----------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt 
> one
> last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had 
> ever
> had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
> hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes 
> Law
> Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in  her 
> newspaper
> one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She 
> stared
> out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed 
> trusted and
> carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her 
> from
> her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 
> "Why
> must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered 
> wistfully.
>
>
> -----------------------------
> (Gary)
> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
> Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership >launched 
>  the
> first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks 
> who
> pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the 
> congress had
> left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
> determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the 
> passage of
> the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying 
> enough
> firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, 
> they
> swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile 
> entered
> the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret  Mobile
> submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt 
> the
> inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie 
> and
> 85 million other Americans . The President slammed his fist on the
> conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
> Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
>
>
> (Rebecca)
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
> My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
>
> -----------------------------
>
>
> (Gary)
> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
> writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have 
> chamomile
> tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an 
> air
> headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>
>
> -----------------------------
> (Rebecca)
>
> A**hole.
>
>
> -----------------------------------
>
>
> (Gary)
>
> Bitch.
>
>> -----------------------------
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> W*nker.
>
> -----------------------------
> (Gary)
>
>
>
> Sl*t.
>
>
>
> -----------------------------
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> Get f****d.
>
> -----------------------------
>
> (Gary)
>
> Eat s**t.
>
> -----------------------------
>
> (Rebecca)
>
> F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>
> -----------------------------
> (Gary)
>
>
>
> Go drink some tea - whore.
>
>
>
> ************************************************
> (Teacher)
>
>
>  A+ - I really liked this one.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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> http://www.standardlife.com/
>
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>
>
>
>
>
>
> For more information on Standard Life, visit our website
> http://www.standardlife.com/
>
> The Standard Life Assurance Company, Standard Life House, 30 Lothian 
> Road,
> Edinburgh EH1 2DH, is registered in Scotland (No. SZ4) and regulated 
> by the
> Financial Services Authority. Tel: 0131 225 2552 - calls may be 
> recorded or
> monitored. This confidential e-mail is for the addressee only. If 
> received
> in error, do not retain/copy/disclose it without our consent and please
> return it to us. We virus scan and monitor all e-mails but are not
> responsible for any damage caused by a virus or alteration by a third 
> party
> after it is sent.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> For more information on Standard Life, visit our website
> http://www.standardlife.com/
>
> The Standard Life Assurance Company, Standard Life House, 30 Lothian 
> Road,
> Edinburgh EH1 2DH, is registered in Scotland (No. SZ4) and regulated 
> by the
> Financial Services Authority. Tel: 0131 225 2552 - calls may be 
> recorded or
> monitored. This confidential e-mail is for the addressee only. If 
> received
> in error, do not retain/copy/disclose it without our consent and please
> return it to us. We virus scan and monitor all e-mails but are not
> responsible for any damage caused by a virus or alteration by a third 
> party
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