[thelist] reply to email hoax

Sat Feb 17 17:37:04 CST 2001

--- Madhu Menon <madhum at trisoft.net> wrote:
> More tips: 
> 
> * Virtually any chain email you receive (i.e., any
> message forwarded
> multiple times) is more likely to be false than
> true. Be skeptical. 

my friends know not to send me chain letters.  if
someone does they get this back (long but funny.
sorry, i feel like i'm sending a chain letter.  but i
just had to... ;)

<evil chain mail response>

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from 
rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, 
extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and 
executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not 
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent 
to me by people who actually believe that if you send 
them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas 
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise 
enough money to have it removed before her redneck 
parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to 
give $1000 to you and everyone you send "his" email 
to?  How stupid are you?  Ooooh, lookyhere!  If I 
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid 
by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch 
of bullshit.  So basically, this message is a big FUCK

YOU to all the people out there who have nothing 
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail 
forwards.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into

my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not 
continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
AD 
and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on 
the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, 
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for 
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.  Fuck 
them.  If you're going to forward something, at least 
send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the 
"send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this 
poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow 
receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards 
about 90 times. I don't fucking care.  Show a little 
intelligence and think about what you're actually 
contributing to by sending out forwards.  Chances are 
it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: 
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!

Is your finger getting tired yet?

STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? :)  Hope you made a great wish :) 
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. 
First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in

the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat 
and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. 
It's true!  Because, THIS letter isn't like all of 
those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!  Really !!!
Here's how it goes:

Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off 
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.  Send 
this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at 
you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this 
to 5-10 people:  5-10 people will be pissed ff at you 
for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a

plot on your life.  Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 
people will be pissed off at you for sending them a 
stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

-------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello and thank you for reading this.  There is a 
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has

no arms, no legs, no parents and no goats.  This
little 
boy's life could be saved, because for every time you 
pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little 
Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from 
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.  Oh, and remember, we 
have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and

this is all a complete load of bullshit.  So go on, 
reach out.  Send this to 5 people in the next 47 
seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send

this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!!! This chain letter has been in existence 
since 1897.  This is absolutely incredible because 
there was no email then and probably not many sad 
ricks with nothing better to do.  So this is how it 
works:

Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or

something horrible will happen to you like:

Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on 
Saturday. She had recently received this letter and 
ignored it.  She then tripped in a crack in the 
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a 
drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over

a waterfall.  Not only did she smell nasty, she died. 
This Could Happen To You!!

Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in 
his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by

a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing

that way).  They both died and went to hell and were 
cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
 This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. 
Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, 
and everything will be okay.

------------------------------------------------------

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.  Sent it 
to every one of your friends.

Friends:
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you 
stink of shit,
And your breath smells like you've been eating 
catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're 
as ugly as a hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've

soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while

you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when 
they really think you should be raped by mad goats, 
then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums 
and then gets the cheque and leaves and doesn't speak 
much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters 
because he wants his  wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex 
ever again.

------------------------------------------------------

The point being?  If you get some chain letter that's 
threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the 
rest of your life delete it.  If it's funny, send it 
on.  Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty 
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been 
tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only 
saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you

forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like 
Miranda. 

Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll

find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.

</end evil chain mail response>

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