[thelist] weekend Humor

the head lemur headlemur at qwest.net
Fri May 25 12:22:43 CDT 2001

Weekend Humor

In order to keep the signal to noise ratio at it's excellent level, I would
suggest the following terms and service agreement.

1. To post to our list, You must provide the following information:
    A. Your complete mailing address including all phone numbers.
        Copies of your phone bill and ISP payment records
        (originals Only-facsimiles will not be accepted)

2. Proof of Residence;
    A. Mortgage Closing Statement
        1. we will examine this to see it you paid too much in closing
            costs, demonstrating your unsuitability for our
            community. If you paid too much
            what's to prevent you doing something stupid here?

    B. 8x12 Photos of your domicile (4 required- All four Sides)
        1. Photos and unretouched jpgs. this information will be used by our
            profilers to determine your colorsense ( through exhaustive
testing in
            cooperation with jakob nielson people with bad colorsense are
more likely             to say stupid things)

    C: An essay not to exceed 50 words as to why your imput is anything we
        may view with more than complete and utter contempt.

    D: Character References from 6 people of 'Known Good Virtue' divided
        equally between the two biological sexes. (we are not bigots ya
        (This excludes immediate family members
        including first cousins married or not)

    E: Title to Your Car.(this is surety against trying to flee the internet
        during expulsion proceedings should such become necessary)

These may seem a bit draconian but bear with me.

Addressing and phone information information is critical for voice mail
flaming during members sleeping periods for maximum return for mininum
I will be happy to call for you:)

Apartment dwellers are known flight risks and have no ties to the community.
They are also more likely to have spelling issues.

The photographs will aliow us to send the towtruck with the bullhorn in the
dead of night to pickup their car (which we have the title for) as well as
being to wake them and their neighbors to explain the rules and regulations
in excruciating detail.

This can also be used as a marketing tool for increasing our membership.

Imagine, we have woken up the miscreant, demonstrating our commitment to
purity and clean posting, made the folks around them aware of the viper in
their bosom, and can hand out applications forms to join. (okay this part
might need a little polish, but the premise is sound)

I was also thinking about a $5000 non refundable application fee for
administration costs (split 50-50) which would help us make the list a
better place.

It could work!

the head lemur
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