[Theforum] respect, responsibility, reciprocity..

Erika Meyer emeyer at lclark.edu
Wed May 15 14:27:10 CDT 2002

(The subject line is the "motto" I used to use when teaching writing classes.)

Javier, I love (& respect) you, but this thread is upsetting to me.
We've had so many "alarm calls," my ears are ringing.

I should probably ignore it, but dang it, here I go...

We've all said how we feel about Dan's leaving.  I am sorry for some
of the way Dan feels. But I do not feel responsible for Dan's

I am not liking those who feel obligated to lay blame on other
evolt.org members for Dan's leaving.  The shit did indeed fly in many
directions, and I myself got tired of lobbing and ducking several
months ago. (see: I lobbed, AND I ducked.  I know.)

I have no interest in dredging any of that up.

Can we just move on?

What good does endless warnings to "behave" and "not offend" do?
Shoot... look at Adrian...  can you imagine that little four footed
aardvark trying to walk around on eggshells?  Is that a pathetic
image, or what?  I'd rather just shoot him and put him out of his

I think we're all intelligent enough to figure out what kinds of
discussions were more/less effective.  I think many of us see how
things could have been said better.  Water under the bridge.

We are a group full of strong personalities, and all of us need to
take each other with as much of a grain of salt as possible, while at
the same time taking responsibility for our own statements.  We need
to really identify what people are saying that is logical, and what
is fallacious.

To avoid confusing, maybe we can work hard to back up general
statements with specific evidence when possible.  And then maybe we
can focus more on working out specific issues, and less on annoying
personality conflicts.

It is indeed hard to be subtle with ascii.  Miscommunications happen.
Some of us conflict with each other.  There are 2-3 individuals that
have *really* rubbed me the wrong way more than once.

Dan is absolutely not one of them, even thought he reverse may well be so.

We've all been warned many many many times about "playing nice."
But are we to never criticize, advocate passionately for a position?
I say we must not be afraid to do those things.  Respect is a mutual game.
Respect doesn't mean walking on eggshells.  Respect is respect.

At some point we must all take responsibility for our own choices.

I deeply respect Dan, and I'm sorry if he or others don't get that.
Our relationship changed last summer, in a less than positive way,
At some point, playful sparring became hurtful jabs. I still respect
Dan, and care about him, even if I disagree with him, at times
strongly... and let him know.

Some may be offended by my "uppity" and direct personality.  I'm
sorry for that.  And when I have been truly rude (as opposed to just
direct and/or colorful) I hope people realize that that is a
personality thing, and not meant to be hurtful.  But it's hard, with
ascii, to really get a feel for personality.

Here's a quote from Zeldman:
"You can't please everyone. Not even a cocker spaniel can achieve that."

Hey... all you have to do to piss *some* people off is.. quote Zeldman!

(that was *playful* sparring... just to clarify... and directed at
someone I respect and care for...)

Anyway, Dan made his own choice, and he left in a classy manner,
without blame or attacks.

Maybe one day he'll be back.  Hopefully.

Can we leave it at that?

Thank you so much!!!


>  > Just to point out that shit has flown in all directions, always (as far as
>  > I saw) as a result of people striving for the best for something they care
>  > passionately about.
>I agree Martin, I'm not trying to point fingers here, just an alarm call
>for all of us to be careful and not offend people: respect.


Erika Meyer
Web Communications Consultant
Lewis & Clark College
Portland, Oregon USA
Phone: 503-768-7972

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