[thechat] RE: Name Game

Jay Turley jay at weberrific.org
Mon Mar 5 12:38:59 CST 2001

My wife and I had a big long discussion about this when we got married. SHe 
thought about keeping her name; we talked about me taking her name; we 
talked about her taking my name; and we talked about her hyphenating he 
last name. Heck , we even talked about making up a new last name...

The point we came up with is that when you get married, it has nothing to 
do with who is supposedly who's property or chattel. Instead, that taking 
of the last name of your husband or wife symbolizes (at least for us) the 
desire to create a new family unit, cleaving only to each other, forsaking 
all others, and the same last name symbolizes it. The same thing applies to 
the wearing of wedding rings. I don't wear mine because my wife owns me, 
and she doesn't wear hers because she is my property. Instead, we wear them 
because it is a sign of respect for each other and respect for the union 
and relationship that we have created together.

I think that a lot of people get hung up on the taking of last names. I 
knew when we started talking about it that the idea that she would keep her 
own last name made me really mad, but I didn't know why until we had really 
discussed it in depth. I don't think it matters who takes who's name, but 
the fact that you do it seems to me to be indicating your desire for a long-
term commitment. With divorce such a easy way out these days, it seems that 
hardly anybody is willing to commit all the way, especially when the 
marriage gets to the "worse" as opposed to the "better".

Uhm, yea... anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the whole last 
name thing. But the fact that a divorced woman is not allowed to change her 
last name is fricken' ridiculous. That perpetuates the whole property myth 
that isn't even what marriage is all about! Arghh!!

Peace, y'all.

- Jay Turley ---------------------------------------------------------
 "Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology"

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