[thechat] making this more personal [was: What can WE do?]

[Marlene Bruce]

>  I lost too many friends/business associates/acquaintances
>  to be rational yet.  I'll get there before too long.

Hugh, et. al.,

[Please bear with this seemingly unrelated beginning...]

As many of you know, I unexpectedly lost my father on August 2nd. For 
those who don't, he collapsed in front of a United Airlines ticket 
agent, who left him there without notifying anyone for at least 10 
minutes, and it was nearly 30 minutes before anyone called 911. This 
happened in San Francisco Int'l airport, far away from where we live 
(in the DC area), so we couldn't even be with him or say goodbye. My 
father was a very important person to me.

So many people are now experiencing a similar mixture of grief and 
anger to that which I've had for the last 7+ weeks. There have been 
moments when I've wanted to make the ticket agent suffer for the hurt 
he's caused me, my mom, and brother, and for the indignity my father 
experienced. I'm going to be moving to SF fairly soon, and have 
worried what I might do when I'm near the ticket agent, whose name 
(we've been told by a witness) is Lorenzo.

I have to think about what my goal is. Is it to let Lorenzo know how 
hurt and angry I am by his actions? Is it to exact revenge? How much 
of my hurt and anger is about him, or is it about the poor state of 
human sensitivity in general?

While the situations differ between the present one and mine (murder 
vs. negligence), for me the resulting emotions are remarkably alike: 
pain, anger, and in some ways, fear.

Like you, I want to deal with my experience and put it behind me. 
About being rational, you say you'll "get there before too long." I'm 
sorry to say this, but don't count on it. You may not cry outwardly 
like me (and for me these days it's usually just a momentary thing, 
when something like a photo triggers my emotions), but the grief will 
be there in the background for some time, possibly years if you are 
especially hit hard (through sensitivity or just the sheer magnitude 
of it all).

And that's why some of us are urging restraint in making decisions 
with the word "war" in them. Very many of us are in shock and 
grieving (including great numbers of people in other countries). When 
talking about my grief my counselor advised me, "Don't make any big 
decisions for at least 6 months." Likewise I have to believe that the 
powers-that-be would be most wise in taking their time and not having 
a knee-jerk reaction.

After all, if I'd followed my strongest knee-jerk reaction, Lorenzo 
would be dead now.

I have to admit to myself that I have no idea why Lorenzo just left 
my father there, even though--as he admitted repeatedly to different 
people--he witnessed the collapse. Perhaps Lorenzo suffered some 
trauma in his past that rendered him somehow incapable of reacting. 
Then again, he might just be one of those thousands of people who are 
indifferent.

The bottom line for me is that I don't know, and I certainly don't 
understand, and therefore I can't possibly make an informed decision 
about an appropriate response. The prudent task is to gather 
information and wisely analyze and ponder it, *over time*. There has 
never been a more appropriate moment to remember that haste makes 
waste, and we don't want to needlessly waste more human lives.

As Brian Eno said in _A Year with Swollen Appendices_, "Spending lots 
of money is often an admission of lack of research, preparation and 
imagination."

Marlene

P.S. About what happened to my dad: 
http://www.digitizethis.com/memorial/dad/death.html