[thechat] Essay help, anyone?

[Morbus Iff]

Matt,

You said you needed words cut out?

 /a much deeper understanding/a deep understanding/
 /but I didn't know why/but didn't know why/

 "always satisfactorily developed". this feels like a "look, i'm smart!"
 tongue twister. i'd replace "satisfactorily" with something, perhaps
 just 'well developed' (cos who are the notes satisfactory to? you?
 the teacher? the chick you acted dumb to so that you could get
 tutored by her?)

 /my teacher was convinced I was choosing not to/
   my teacher was convinced I was not putting my full effort/

 /and I easily succeeded/and easily succeeded/

 second sentence of third paragraph is kinda wordy and repetitive.
 "requirements" are always "necessary" so you don't need to restate that.

 i'm not sure the repetition of "best learn" is working for me.
 repetition is normally good when it's a core phrase, but I just
 feel ...... tepid about this one.

My pizza is done now. I have to go before it gets cold. Unfortunately, I
won't have any more free time before your deadline. Sorry, you kinda caught
me off guard...

-- 
Morbus Iff ( i am your scary godmother )
http://www.disobey.com/ && http://www.gamegrene.com/
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