[thechat] Genetically Superior M&Ms

Seth Bienek seth at sethbienek.com
Thu Dec 27 15:14:03 CST 2001

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with.


"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser,"
and I
eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the
blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms
as a
race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the
candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier,
flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but
very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the
continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of
herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly
an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading,
"Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2
bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the
weekend for
a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we
will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one."

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