[thechat] Re: Big stupid plea.

[Shirley Kaiser, SKDesigns]

At 03:10 PM 5/8/2002, you typed:
>The reaction better and much broader than I anticipated. I thank you all
>for your good thoughts.

You clearly have many friends here. :-)

>For me, at least understanding what's happened and is happening is
>important.

Absolutely. You may understand some now and some not until much later, too.

>One main point, and the point everyone I talk to says, is thank goodness
>there are no children in the mix
<snip>

Yes indeed. I have two kids, and we divorced when they were somewhere
around 2 and 7, or 3 and 8. It makes a major difference if there aren't
kids, that's for sure. Much preferred if that option happens to be there.
So that's certainly in your favor.

>I have more to say, but know that I'm soaking it in, and the words of
>sympathy really help. I'm so on edge, and it's so scary to feel so lost.
>Knowing that others have been down this dark path makes me feel better.]

I told another friend just yesterday that keep in mind that there's ALWAYS
a light at the end of that tunnel, even if you can't see it, and that
you'll always have your real friends with you to help you through the dark
path, too.

>In additional news, I've accepted my sister's invitation to visit her in
>D.C. - bought a cheap RT fare this am. I haven't seen my sister in about
>2 years - and that stinks. So I'll go to DC at the end of the month.

Fantastic. Good idea.

>This has the benefit of me not wanting to go do stupid stuff. Which it's
>even clearer to me that that stuff is a very risky move.

Yep. Definitely risky. (I won't bother repeating what's already been said.)

>I'll be exploring therapists, both marital and standard therapists
>tonight online. An objective voice to talk with interactively will be
>good

Absolutely. Another good idea.

>- I know for me it will be. I hope that I can find a good marital
>counselor. And I also hope that I can invite Jenny to take part in
>counseling in a way that she will accept it.

That would be good, but it's up to her, too. And go whether or not she
goes, too.

My thoughts are with you, Joe. I'm among the group who's been through a
divorce.... and mine was after being together for over 18 years, 2 kids, a
house and all the stuff. We got through it somehow and most of the time
we're amicable and do a reasonably good job of trying to finish raising the
kids.

You'd asked if people can be friends after breaking up. It all depends on
so much, including how you handle the splitting up part. I don't consider
my ex-husband a friend in the true sense of the word but we're working
together to raise our kids and get along OK most of the time. When we're at
the same function for stuff regarding our kids, we're nearly always
pleasant to each other and talk (some people don't even realize we're
divorced since we're nice to each other). It wouldn't ever cross my mind to
go have lunch with him or do anything at all with him socially, though. But
that's just my own situation, too.

Warmly,
Shirley

--
Shirley E. Kaiser, M.A.,  SKDesigns  mailto:skaiser1 at skdesigns.com
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