[thechat] Big stupid plea.
ashok at magicalkenya.com
ashok at magicalkenya.com
Thu May 9 09:18:00 CDT 2002
Just a slightly lighter angle to this ... I dont mean to be insensitive or
anything . As a matter of fact , I 've never been married in the last 4-5
years of manhood -- so I dont think I am anywhere close to understanding
your problem .
But this is a realistic situation which i am ashamed to admit I have made
use of , so i just want to come clean now
law enforcement officials in kenya are percieved as extremely corrupt
individuals , though personally i have learnt it is not so , most of them
are human and have a very decent heart. The traffic police specially can
stop anybody driving normally and threaten to lock you up , or impound the
car for something as trivial as a scratch on the taillight - then yu end
up coughing up some dough as a bribe , because nobody in their right senses
wants to get embroiled in a endless cycle paperwork - car impounds - the
works , its cheaper & faster giving a kickback (in swahili known as 'kitu
kidogo')... You cant really blame the cops , they are among the lowest paid
of all civil servants here & they do a pretty risky job. I too had been a
victim many times of such transactions.
Now comes the strange part - i was 1ce slightly drunk & driving back home
this was around a year back slightly late in the evening & was flagged
down by a law enforcement officer - all my papers were in order - the guy
wanted to book me for a cracked left hand rear view mirror , something
happened which i cannot explain (musta been the foamy beer , which
sometimes causes gas bubbles in the brain ) i asked the guy to book me &
lock to me up too , because my wife had left me & she had taken everything
- my house , my money , my kids etc etc. and i didnt even have a house to
live in - i was able to make a good simulation of trembling hands , shaky
voice . The clincher (IMO) was when i asked him if he was married , the
guy was barely able to whisper yes - i shook his hand and wished him all
the best , but to remember me always and what had happened to me , the
policeman let me go , he didnt say anything at all just asked me to leave.
Since that day i have never paid (this is completely true i can swear on my
dead grandfather on this ) a cent to policeman for anything. There has
even been an instance when a chap actually told me he too i was very
stressed and he too felt the same and asked me to take a holiday , i am
sure he would have bought me a beer or even a decent meal if i had hung
around.
I basically use the same strategy for all with minor modifications - for
policewomen theres what i call a 'husband beater' variation - i show them
some old bruises and tell them that my wife beats me and if i dont go
back home with all the money that i have she will beat me even more and so
on ...., somehow its always worked . I dont particularly like doing this ,
but its saved me a truckload of change.
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