[thechat] Big stupid plea.

ashok at magicalkenya.com ashok at magicalkenya.com
Thu May 9 09:18:00 CDT 2002


Just a slightly lighter angle to this ... I dont mean to be insensitive or
anything . As a matter of fact , I 've never been married in the last 4-5
years of manhood -- so I dont think I am anywhere close  to understanding
your problem .

But this is a realistic situation which i am ashamed to admit I have made
use of , so i just want to come clean now

law enforcement  officials in kenya  are percieved as extremely corrupt
individuals , though personally i have learnt it is not so , most of them
are human and have a very decent heart.  The traffic police specially can
stop anybody driving normally and  threaten to lock you up , or impound the
car for something as  trivial as a scratch on the taillight  -  then yu end
up coughing up some dough as a bribe , because nobody in their right senses
wants to get embroiled in a endless cycle paperwork - car impounds - the
works , its cheaper & faster giving a kickback (in swahili known as 'kitu
kidogo')... You cant really blame the cops , they are among the lowest paid
of all civil servants here & they do a  pretty risky job.  I too had been a
victim many times of such transactions.

Now comes the strange part - i was 1ce slightly drunk & driving back home
this was  around a year back  slightly late in the evening & was flagged
down by a law enforcement officer - all my papers were in order  - the guy
wanted to book me for a cracked left hand  rear view mirror , something
happened which i cannot explain (musta been the foamy beer , which
sometimes causes gas bubbles in the brain )  i asked the guy to book me &
lock to me up too , because my wife had left me & she had taken everything
- my house , my money , my kids etc etc. and i didnt even have a house to
live in - i was able to make a good simulation of trembling hands , shaky
voice .   The clincher (IMO) was when i asked him if he was married , the
guy was barely able to whisper yes - i shook his hand and wished him all
the best , but to remember me always and what had happened to me ,  the
policeman let me go , he didnt say anything at all just asked me to leave.

Since that day i have never paid (this is completely true i can swear on my
dead grandfather on this )  a cent to policeman for anything.  There has
even been an instance when a chap actually told me he too i was very
stressed and he too felt the same and asked me to take a holiday , i am
sure  he would have bought me a beer or even a decent meal if i had hung
around.

I basically use the same strategy for all with minor modifications - for
policewomen  theres what i call a 'husband beater' variation - i show them
some old bruises and tell  them that my wife beats me  and if i dont go
back home with all the money that i have she will beat me even more  and so
on ...., somehow its always worked .  I dont particularly like doing this ,
but its saved me a truckload of change.














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