[thechat] SMS from a friend

Luther, Ron ron.luther at hp.com
Wed Nov 10 08:24:34 CST 2004


Madhu Menon noted:

>>Just two minutes ago, I got an SMS from a friend.
>>"Do you know of a book or anything else I can give to a mother who 
>>has just lost her 25-year-old son"?


Hi Madhu,

Dude. You're friend needs a clue. Dodge this hot potato. Maybe call 
your friend - could be that they just want to talk for a while about 
how they are feeling about this.

If you were inclined to make a suggestion, I would stay with the 'very 
safe' stuff. Over here that would be a sympathy card, flowers, or a 
contribution to a charitable organization specified by the family. If 
its a neighbor, maybe walk over with a plate of food. Stay with things 
the {family/cultural tradition} would consider 'safe'.

Without being close to the situation, the circumstances, the timing, and 
the individuals ... I think anything else would risk ugly backlash.

<backlash>
I don't doubt that there are many fine books on 'coping with grief' 
available ... but if I lost a 25 year old son today - unexpectedly 
- and you came by tomorrow and tried to hand me "Oprah Winfrey's Grief 
Management Book of the Month" ... WTF!?!?!?!? [As Emeril says, "BAM!"] 

-- You'd be bleeding paper out your butt for a month ... 
</backlash>

I wouldn't be emotionally ready, that soon, for that kind of support 
from my friends ... I'd still be caught up in anger and abandonment 
issues ... and you'd just be turning yourself into a very close at 
hand target.


No. If you're not *extremely* close to the people and the situation - 
this is not the time and circumstance to get 'creative'.


My 2¢,

RonL.


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