[thechat] 25 things about 99% of everyone on Facebook

erik mattheis gozz at gozz.com
Mon Feb 2 15:21:29 CST 2009

Because I believe I'm not the only one on Facebook uninterested in
littering the Internet with 25 more narcissistic or self-loathing – if
interesting – things about me, I've composed this list of 25 things
about me that are more than likely true about you as well so you can
help me stop the madness while doing little work of your own.

Rules: Modify and use as you see fit.

1. I've never sneezed with my eyes open.
2. It's easier for me to relax when I'm relatively stress-free.
3. Every square inch of my skin has over 20 feet of blood vessels in
it! Isn't that wild?
4. My planet is home to millions and millions of other species
integrated in a complex web of interdependencies. I call this the
5. I've never swallowed a whole cantaloupe or pineapple.
6. If asked to, I'd guess my head weighs somewhere between 6 and 12 pounds.
7. I consider myself social, but if I end up at a party where
everybody is walking on their hands and speaking a language I don't
even recognize, I might prefer to let others approach me first.
8. I laughed pretty hard the first time I saw that guy with the "get a
brain morans" sign.
9. I'm actually not interested in trying to "prove you exist".
10. I'm so glad my arm isn't being torn off in some sort of
agricultural accident right now.
11. In the past, I didn't really understand that it was wrong to poop
in my pants, but since, I've been pretty good about not doing it.
12. I knew Madagascar is an island.
13. This one time I pointed my fingers at each other and brought them
closer to my eyes and it was totally like there was a worm just
floating there between them.
14. My pancreas is *supposed* to produce insulin, you dope.
15. It *is* an island, isn't it? Are you screwing with me? Tell me if
you're screwing with me!
16. I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.
17. I'd probably be shorter if my parents had malnourished me and kept
me in this old chest that my great grandfather once owned.
18. There is no 18th random fact about me. (think ... get it? Ha ha
ha, ROFLOL!!!!)
19. If I ever see another mime troupe performing on the street
tomorrow, I hope they don't eat me.
20. This one IDIOT HAD to either be STUPID or TRYING TO GET MY ORDER WRONG!!
21. I haven't been a Scientologist or anything really weird like that
for a long time.
22. I've never seriously considered setting myself on fire like that
monk in the picture from Vietnam.
23. If I had the opportunity to have dinner with any three people
living or dead or receive a public flogging, I'd take the dinner.
24. If I'd certainly die without undergoing a somewhat risky medical
procedure, I'd make my own decision regardless of what my family and
friends say.
25. I read this list of 25 things a lot closer than any other.

Erik Mattheis

Postulate: One cat has eight tails.
Proof: No cat has seven tails. One cat has one more tail than no cat.
Therefore, one cat has eight tails.


More information about the thechat mailing list