[thechat] punishment (was: [ugh])

[Michele Wandrei]

> Does she advocate time-outs?
>
> time-outs usually end up being punitive, IMO, even though the
> original intent is just a cooling-down time.  I've seen it used
in
> preschools much like "go sit in the corner" was used in my day.
> Somewhat degrading, but IMO better than spanking.
>

In her Positive Discipline books, Jane Nelson advocates a
"positive time out," which is really just a cooling off period.
I tried getting my class to use positive time out, but it was too
much of a shift for them.  They reported that making the child
stand in the corner was working well for them.  Ugh!  Standing in
the corner is a humiliating form of punishment.

Martin, your link to the Dr. Sears site
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp is wonderful.  I
especially appreciate the Biblical insight.  Since this is a
Christian mission, the ladies often fall back on that "spare the
rod, spoil the child" thing.  Interesting reading.

I'll confess my own experience.  When my oldest child was about 2
he was (still is) an incredible challenge.  He is hyperactive and
oppositional -- he'll defy anything you say just because he can.
One day I decided to smack his hand for some minor offense.  He
smacked me back.  Of course I couldn't let him get away with
that, right?  So I smacked him again (lightly, mind you).  Before
I knew it I was involved in an all-out war with a two-year-old.
I realized then that I needed to change my own behavior if I
wanted him to change his behavior.  I'm the parent -- the child
was not going to change.

To make a long story short, when I changed my attitude, my kids
changed as well.  Today they're both good little people learning
to responsible, contributing members of society.
___________________________________________________
Michele Wandrei
inThree Design
www.inthree.com