[thechat] RE: Name Game

T.Abbey Abbey at abbeyink.com
Mon Mar 5 18:31:17 CST 2001

At 01:38 PM 3/5/01 -0500, you wrote:
>The point we came up with is that when you get married, it has nothing to
>do with who is supposedly who's property or chattel. Instead, that taking
>of the last name of your husband or wife symbolizes (at least for us) the
>desire to create a new family unit, cleaving only to each other, forsaking
>all others, and the same last name symbolizes it. The same thing applies to
>the wearing of wedding rings. I don't wear mine because my wife owns me,
>and she doesn't wear hers because she is my property. Instead, we wear them
>because it is a sign of respect for each other and respect for the union
>and relationship that we have created together.

You do bring up some good points. My 4-year-old has the last name White and 
I have to call the school and identify myself as Tamara Abbey, Alex White's 
mom. Altho, with continuing the family name, maybe I should have considered 
Abbey for him? My brother sure isn't producing. Or, at least not that we 
know of. So, I'm obviously not a tried-and-true feminist, I just want to be 
me and I believe I /am/ better with my current husband -- I mean, he's put 
up with me for 10 years and that really is something. 8-)

But, my college diploma has my ex-husband's name. That still stings. /I/ 
earned that sucker and /my/ name should be on that. The one that noted 
about the student loans -- no, that thing is carved in stone since you 
originally signed it with the other name. And, that would be true of any 
loan -- once signed, they gotcha.

Also, I come from a small town where people frequently talk about you know, 
Susie, she used to be a _____

That part makes me cringe -- used to be?? What is that anyway? Has this 
person been reincarnated?

I wish there was a more graceful way to handle the situation. But for now, 
I need to go buy a new domain so the little guy can have an e-mail address 
at something /other/ than AbbeyInk since he's not exactly an Abbey (he just 
acts like one!).

<Tabbey />

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